


I Know You're Too Strong

by Spacejoth



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Headcanon: Kanaya loves Hamilton, It gets to fluff but, John actually is not okay as well, John and Rose are best friends I swear, Nightmares, Rose is not okay, So are Karkat and Kanaya but thats only mentioned, platonic ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 23:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11263749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacejoth/pseuds/Spacejoth
Summary: Rose both wants to see her best friend and pour out some feelios. (Is that how you summary, probably not.)





	I Know You're Too Strong

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Consistent grimdark mentions (I... Don't know how AO3 colors function but I'm working on it..)

I don’t get too anxious that often. Sure, I worry about things, but really the only true anxiety provoking times are when my friends or people I love are hurt or at risk. I love my friends - a lot, maybe too much for my own good, but that doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is if they’re all happy and okay. Sometimes though, they’re not happy. It kills to know I can’t always control that too. I also can’t control nightmares and attacks from the past. 

Rose get’s those a lot. Bad ones too, always going back to grimdarkness and her fear of what if she accidentally hurt someone she loves, or if the grimdark ever comes back somehow… It worries me when she talks about how she hates herself for being manipulated by an omnipotent asshole on the internet. It worries me when she talks about herself negatively in general. Rose is great, my best friend and one of the best things to ever happen to me.  
But sometimes… Sometimes i’m just terrified for her.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] 

TT: John.  
TT: Do you think you could come over?  
TT: I mean, only if you are not currently occupied, of course.  
EB: yeah sure rose!  
EB: something wrong or are you just bored?  
TT: I mean, sort of…  
TT: Kanaya’s not home and I just...  
TT: Don’t think I should be alone right now.  
TT: I need someone to talk to.  
TT: We have not spent time together for awhile anyways.  
EB: alright i’ll be over as soon as i can.  
EB: maybe i’ll bring over a few movies too.  
TT: Should I be scared?  
EB: pffft, only if your scared of nicholas cage being awesome.  
EB: anyways, i better get ready, see you soon.  
TT: Oh yeah, by the way the doors unlocked, so just come in.  
EB: did you give up on locks or something?  
TT: No, i’m just covered in the fat asses that are my cats.  
EB: oh yeah that makes sense. anyways see you soon! 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] 

After a ten minute search for every Nicolas Cage movie I own, I set off for Rose’s. Fairly calm, thinking maybe she just wanted someone to talk with and hang out with. I didn’t bother to knock before going inside as Rose suggested.

“FUCK.”

I also tripped over a sleeping cat. I glared down at the cat as I stood up.

“Damnit Thomas, out of all places to sleep, on the door mat?!?”

“John, that’s Alexander Hamilton, not Thomas Jefferson.” 

I turned around to see Rose had walked in the room, unsurprisingly holding a cat in her arms.

“Oh come on what’s it matter they’re all lards of fur anyways.”

Rose looked at me with shock.

“John, these cats are your nieces and nephews, be nicer.”

“You named the majority my nieces and nephews after Hamilton characters, Rose.”

“Wrong, Kanaya named the majority of your nieces and nephews after Hamilton characters, I just agreed to the names."

I smiled as I pat Alexander Hamilton on the head as an apology for tripping over him.  
I turned my head to Rose and asked, “So, is there something you needed to talk about or did you just miss your favorite best friend dearly.”

She laughed quietly, putting down the cat she was holding.  
“Both”

She walked out of the living room into the kitchen, and I followed, sitting down at the table.

“Do you want anything John, tea or coffee or something?”

“ Depends, do you still have that mass storage of me, Dave, and Jade’s favorite drinks?”

She grinned at me, before opening a cabinet and handing me an orange soda.  
“Of course I do. I just run out of apple juice a lot because Dave will come over at 2 AM just to get apple juice when he’s out.”

“Has he before?”

“He did last week, Kanaya was tired and thought he was a thief or something and he almost got punched.”

I nearly spit out my soda laughing. Rose sat down with a mug of coffee and smiled.

“Well, you know Dave, he can be an idiot sometimes, but we love him anyways.” 

She yawned and took a drink of her coffee. It was only then I realized how tired Rose looked, her eyes didn’t seem to have their usual light either.  
“Hey… Rose you okay, you like tired…”

She blinked a few times before responding. “Oh… Yes, I am. I am tired I didn’t sleep well, in fact I haven’t slept well the past few days..”

It didn’t take me long to realize why she needed to talk after that.

“Nightmares..?” I asked, looking at her worried.

She nodded, and took another sip before continuing. “They’ve been really bad this week… Kanaya says i’ve been mumbling a lot more… And I think i’ve even been talking in the language of horrorterrors in my sleep too… She's getting really worried.”

I put my soda down and put my hand on her shoulder.  
“That’s what you wanted to talk about isn’t it..”

She nodded again.  
“Well, i’m here, i’m here as long as you need me to be.”  
Rose sighed before she began talking again.

“ This week they’ve been more vivid and morbid than usual, always starting out with me spending time with you or Kanaya or someone else i’m close to. Then suddenly everything goes dark and I can’t see anything, i’m alone. But I can hear things. I can hear the horrorterrors whispering, and then I start falling, falling into nothing but more darkness. Then I get these terrible images in my head. Images of people I care about being hurt, or dying, or just flat out suffering. The whispers get louder and just like that I stop falling. My vision comes back and im in a room, it’s dark, but I can still see. There are always multiple doors, no windows, just doors. I open one and… What’s always inside is a mirror showing a scene…”

Rose started to tremble a bit, her eyes wide and glossed with tears, I quickly scooted my chair next to her and put my arm protectively around her shoulder.  
“Go on…” I said quietly

She took a deep breath and continued.  
“Each mirror thats behind each door shows a different scene, but they’re all similar… They’re always my grimdark self, harming or killing someone I care about, everytime I close the door the image replays in my head until I open a different door, to a different scene, and then that one replays in my head… It keeps going until finally I open the only door left. When I open that one there’s still a mirror, but this time it just shows my grimdark self. Usually the dreams just end there, but lately it’s continued, my grimdark self pulls me in, and I once again turn grimdark. When I enter the mirror, i’m somewhere else, always the same place the dream started, when I was with someone i’m close to. I just walk around for awhile, but then I come upon the same person I started the dream with… And I… And I kill them… It continues, until i’ve killed everyone I saw in the mirrors. Then everything changes again, and i’m in the dark room again with the whispers, I start falling again, and it all replays until I wake up…”

Rose was crying at this point, her head in her hands. I hugged her and she removed her hands from her head and instead buried her face in my neck, returning the hug, still sobbing.

I quietly mumbled to her;  
“I’m here”  
“It’ll be okay”  
“Everyone’s okay”  
“It wasn’t your fault, Rose.”  
“I know you're too strong to ever fall again”  
“I love you, your my best friend and I love you”  
“You’re never going to hurt anyone, you love everyone, and we all love you too, Rose”

And it stayed like that for awhile, me telling Rose that she’s too strong to ever go grimdark again, and even if she did she'd never hurt anyone, and that she’s loved and needed, while she cried into my shoulder. I didn’t mind though, of course I didn’t. I knew I couldn’t fully stop the nightmares, but I also knew it’d be there for Rose no matter what. After awhile, it seemed Rose was dried of any more tears. She looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot.

“Thank you John.”  
“Rose it’s nothing, i’m your friend-”  
“No, I mean really… For everything, I know I can be pretty shitty sometimes, not always being there for you because I never realized how lonely you must get with this new universe, but I still need you John, I always will, I hope you know that. You are one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I don’t know what I would do without you.”

I grinned, starting to cry myself without realizing it.  
“Yeah… Yeah you’re one of the best things to ever happen to me too Rose, and I do sometimes get worried you don’t need me, but I think that’s just me being dumb and selfish because I don’t know what i’d do without you either..”

She looked at me, her tone suddenly becoming dead serious  
“John Egbert, you are my best friend, and i’ll always need you.”

I was about to speak before Rose hugged me. The humor returned to her voice a bit.  
“After all, who else do I have that will force me to watch Nicolas Cage movies?”

She grinned at me after breaking the hug. I wiped the tears off my face and smiled too.  
“So wait, that means I didn’t bring all my movies for nothing!”  
Rose laughed and stood up, grabbing her mug of coffee too.  
“No, you did not bring them for nothing, let’s go watch some movies you fucking nerd.”

I jumped up quickly snatching my soda and practically running to the living room. Rose walked in after me laughing. I put Con Air into the DVD player and sat on the couch. (Just barely avoiding sitting on who I believe to be was George Washington the cat)  
Rose sat down next to me then suddenly awkwardly coughed.

“Hey John… No hetero, but can I just…”  
She (awkwardly) laid her head on my lap.  
I laughed, “No hetero Rose, but I don’t give a shit, your my friend after all.”

“It’s not like we’re the only close friends who are brutally no hetero.”

“I mean yeah, your wife hugs her moirail like three times a day but nobody cares.”

“You're not wrong, Kanaya loves Karkat and will always need him, just like i’ll always need you.”

I smiled again.  
“Rose no, i’m gonna start crying again…”

I know I can’t always stop sadness, or fear, or memories that my friends experience, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be there to support them.  
After all, who else would I force to watch Nicolas Cage movies with than my friends?


End file.
